The real test of a relationship is when you take a trip together. Here’s how to execute it flawlessly. What characterizes the ideal partner? Someone who demands sex first thing in the morning, never invites you to go shopping with her, and gives up full control of the television on Saturdays? Maybe, but until you spend your first holiday together, no relationship—no matter how sexy and compatible—is proven.
Ah, the Christmas, that crucible for wickedness and depravity. You go on vacation to unwind, but unless you are well aware of what you are getting into, traveling with a partner is likely to make you feel much more anxious than you did when you submitted your leave request. There are valid reasons why couples quarrel when on vacation. Holidays might actually increase some people’s stress levels because you’re out of your normal, comfortable environment. Additionally, because you’ve convinced yourself that you should be enjoying every second of your priceless getaway, little arguments and irritations have a tendency to escalate. Many couples split up when traveling for reasons that would not have been as important if they had occurred during their regular routine.
Because vacation time is so highly treasured by the majority of us, everything is more intense when you’re on it. However, lack of preparation leads to more holiday disputes than exaggerated expectations. You may not be able to control your heightened vacation emotions, but you can plan for physical contingencies, perhaps avoiding arguments in Quebec and sulks in the Seychelles as a result.
Follow these 7 tips, and maybe you’ll still want to look at each other when you get back if you’re planning a vacation with a significant other, especially if it’s your first time traveling together.
1. Confirm that both of you want to go to the same location
It’s pointless to drag her along on a hike in the Himalayas if she would much prefer to be relaxing on a beach in Thailand. If you and she have very different ideas of what makes a nice holiday, maybe you shouldn’t go on vacation together or maybe you should take separate trips. Alternatively, you may find a location that offers both of your preferred forms of enjoyment (such as a resort where one of you can go scuba diving while the other lounges next to the pool with a book and a pina colada).
Despite your desire to investigate a friendly pub, you may not be aware of her likes and quirks until you arrive and find yourself shuffled from monument to monument to inspect antique firesoes. The festive season reveals aspects of our spouses that we never even suspected existed. Therefore, it’s crucial to talk about your intended vacation before making hotel reservations. Give her the option to express her preferences if you suspect that she could be agreeing with your choice of location only to please you.
Even while it is usually more enjoyable to share your interests with a spouse, there will always be certain things you both find boring. Be sure she understands that you don’t intend to join her on visits to Cambodian orphanages and that you don’t mind pursuing your search for the tallest redwood on your own (unless you want to, of course).
2. Distribute the funds
The two most frequent reasons for anxiety on vacations are money and map reading. Money is maybe more crucial since, even if you’re lost, if you can buy a room for the night, you’ll still be okay.
No matter how compatible you may be in other areas, every relationship has a spender. When on vacation, this is multiplied one hundred times. While the other spontaneously spends money on souvenirs you don’t need and can’t fit in your baggage, the more cautious person will resist making impulsive purchases.
By designating one spouse as the holder of the settlement disputes by stating, some couples attempt to prevent financial disagreements. It will simply cause conflict to declare, “I’m in control of the money and I say we can’t have more than one ice cream a day.” Even if one of you is paying for the holiday, you still need access to your own funds else the power dynamic will create animosity.
Calculate the total cost of the trip. If your lodging is covered, figure out how much money you’ll need daily for meals, and if one of you wants to go over that limit one day, cut back the next day. Share your spending money by dividing it in half. If one of you buys a three-meter mahogany giraffe with their entire allowance, that is. It’s only reasonable that the spouse with the remaining assets choose how it will be used.
3. Don’t try to bag the navigator
Democracy fails when it comes to getting around. Draw lots or play roulette before you leave home to select who will be in charge of navigation, whether you’re driving yourselves around or merely need to find cabs or stations in strange areas. Alternately, divide the tasks equally, but make sure that none of you speaks while the other is operating the vehicle or studying a map.
If you don’t discuss this before you go, you’ll slam on the brakes in the pouring rain and yell, “Do you want to drive?” and end yourself in a ditch. If a woman is driving, keep your mouth shut. And if you are aware that she made a mistake, you should never subsequently claim to have known the appropriate path to pursue.
If you follow this guideline, there’s a strong chance you’ll have a joyful holiday and maybe even a long life. Too many relationships have ended with the words “shouldn’t you have turned left there?”
4. Ascertain whether he/she snores
It occurs, but it’s uncommon for a pair to travel together without first getting to know one another well. Even though you may have shared a bed, do you both know how to use the restroom? Does she realize it takes you 30 minutes to style your hair? Have you seen her do yoga in the morning? Do you know what other people’s most annoying behaviors are?
A first vacation might come with unpleasant shocks; for example, learning that she grinds her teeth on your first night away could make your trip unusable. Alternately, you may anticipate some aggravation and resolve in advance that, barring a clear breach of every principle you hold dear, you will permit certain annoyances to pass you by.
Let’s say you two already have a good understanding of one another and can put up with each other’s odd quirks. She could still assume that she doesn’t need to be aware of your needs as she would be while you’re both at home, which could drive you crazy while you’re on vacation (or the other way around).
While on vacation, you may unwind, but it doesn’t mean you should become a total slob. Expecting her to clean up after you when you’re away won’t work if she doesn’t do it at home. And if she believes that using your razor on her legs while on vacation is okay, kindly correct her if she thinks otherwise.
5. Set Aside Alone Time
Just because you’re going away with your significant other for a certain amount of time, whether it’s a weekend or a whole week, doesn’t mean you can’t spend time alone. In actuality, you should, and not only when your patience is becoming thin.
6. Avoid mixing friends and new lovers
You have a friend in Manhattan who has been pleading with you to visit and stay. He says, “Bring your new girlfriend.” “You guys are going to love it here.” Not at all. not if you want to spend a lot of time catching up with your old friend and you have never traveled together before. Although they may get along well and enjoy each other, a first-time holiday is about romance, and you can’t have it if you’re trying to give your time and attention to both a friend and a lover.
Perhaps neither of you are the romantic kind, and the notion of traveling together appeals to you both quite a bit. If these are friends that you both know, that’s OK, but if this is the first time the two of you will be spending time together, it’s not a good idea to travel to meet someone who only one of you knows.
While on vacation, you could also realize that one of you is friendlier than the other. You just want to spend time with her, but she wants to invite the two couples you met on the train to join you for dinner. These are unpredictable events. All you can do is try to achieve a compromise by being as reasonable as possible while expressing your want to mingle or your reluctance to approach strangers.
7. If everything goes wrong
While there is no way to ensure that your first vacation as a couple will be conflict-free, you can prevent arguments from making your trip into a nightmare. If you can handle it, discuss how you’ll handle arguments before you go. It might seem stilted. Make an agreement that you won’t break it, even if it means being silent for three days. Nothing is more embarrassing than arriving home alone. You’ll have more time to get over disagreements if you have the perseverance to see it through.
